


Tom Madigan's journal

by dmichelle312



Series: The Looking Glass Wars/Hatter M. fanfics [1]
Category: Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor
Genre: A Looking Glass Wars fanfiction, Bisexual Male Character, Boys In Love, Diary/Journal, Drawing, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Gay Male Character, Grief/Mourning, Healing, LLF Comment Project, Making Love, Meditation, Multi, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Painting, References to the Hatter M. series, True Love, Yeah there are a lot of first somethings, art therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-15 16:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmichelle312/pseuds/dmichelle312
Summary: A few entries in Hatter Madigan's journal (his real name is Tom here). His hardships, his struggles, his relationships with his daughter and his friends, his love life, etc. Take place post Arch Enemy/post canon.





	1. Entry 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erin Silverlight-Rey (SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune/gifts).
  * Translation into Français available: [Extraits du journal de Tom Madigan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416700) by [dmichelle312](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmichelle312/pseuds/dmichelle312)



> Reviews and comments are welcome, but bashing, insults, and flames will be met with deletion of your comment, folks. I don't have time for that shit and I'm done letting what others think and say stop me from writing fanfiction. I once asked a couple people on a forum to review a WIP I was writing. I got bashing, insults, and negativity from a dozen people and no matter what I wrote or how I wrote it, it was never good enough for those people and they were holding me back. After being bullied like that, I felt like shit, had depression and self-esteem issues, and started believing that I had no writting talent and never would. The WIP ended up in the trash and I never posted it on a fanfiction site.
> 
> Over a decade later, I decided to try again. I worked on this fanfic a lot these past few days and now it's a complete work. Like I said, I'm done letting what others think and say stop me from writing fanfiction. I'm going to write those fanfics for myself first and foremost, and if others like them, subscribe to them (for update notifications), bookmark them, rec them, send me appreciative comments, it's just a nice bonus. I have my own style, my own way of writing and describing things, and I do my damn best like everyone else. Encouragements help fanfic writers a lot, and what also helps fanfic writers is people refraining from stiffling said fanfic writer's creativity and unique style (by trying to make a fanfic writer conform to someone's biaised and unreasonable expectations of them), and of course being kind and civil to them. If you don't like it don't read it and don't comment, that's what I do, that's what everyone should do, there's no need to be an asshole. Okay? Have a nice day everyone.
> 
> I don't own Looking Glass Wars and the Hatter M. series, or any of the characters except for the OCs.
> 
> * * *
> 
> For those who haven't read them yet, I highly recommend Frank Beddor's books. You should read the Hatter M. series first (a series of 5 graphic novels, a spin-off of "The Looking Glass Wars" that talks about "Hatter"'s 13-year quest searching for Alyss on Earth and the events preceding the war against Redd): "The looking glass Wars"/"Far From Wonder", "Mad with wonder", "The nature of wonder", "Zen of wonder", and "Love of wonder". And then after that, you should read the "Looking Glass Wars" trilogy: "The Looking Glass Wars", "Seeing Redd", and "ArchEnemy".

Entry # 1,

I just wish people would stop calling me Hatter. I have a real name for Issa's sake, it's Tom, short for Thomas, they should use it. Tom Madigan. Sure I'm a hatter but that's not my real name and it shouldn't define me, there's more to me than just that. I just wish some people would get to know the man behind the hat and stop burdening me with their unreasonable expectations. I'm just as human as the rest of them, I mean most of them, and I am imperfect and make mistakes just like everyone else. They should get that by now.

Today I was at the at the Millinery Academy and I was pacing in the hall when I came accross this woman. She wasn't one of the Milliners, I had never seen her before, and I didn't know how she got in. Well, at first I didn't know how she got in. But then, I realized how she got in and where she was from. She was an Earthling and she was projecting herself into our world while she was "sleeping". After reading a few books in Wonderland, and also on Earth during the thirteen years I spent searching for Princess Alyss Heart, I found out that some scientists believe that there's a huge multiverse with thousands of parallel universes in it (I already knew about the many worlds because the Heart Crystal sent inspiration for our inventions to those other worlds where their inhabitants created and replicated said inventions), and that when people are "asleep", the so-called "dreams" they have is them travelling parallel universes and piggy-backing or inhabiting their thousands of alternate selves in who knows how many parallel universes, some of those parallel universes are quite similar to each other, others are vastly different frome each other.

I myself remember my short stay in one or two of those other worlds, but I needed to know more, learn more and that's why I read some of those books when I had some free time on my hands. I remember back when I was in the insane asylum on Earth, shortly before I drew that deck of cards, I was a little out of it because that idiot, Frood, knocked me out with drugs as I was getting ready to get the hell out of there so I could continue searching for Alyss. But that darn Lincoln had stolen my hat. As I said, I was a little out of it and I slept for a while. And when the drugs started wearing off, I felt like my soul was sucked through a portal and I was in another world in a near identical body. I remember my short stay there and at a later time I would read more books on the subject.

When I returned into my original body, I was "woken up" by a voice saying: "Ah, Wonderland's White Imagination!". It was Elijah Von Wonder. I couldn't see the Glow around myself but I felt that he was "drinking" my White Imagination. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but the only thing that came to my mind was "he has such beautiful eyes" and I quickly realized that I was experiencing a deep feeling of peace and serenity. Elijah was only draining the excess Imagination in me, and the others. Not even half of my Imagination. He was draining the excess Imagination in me and detoxing my mind and soul, easing them and it brought me peace and serenity. So that was what he was telling me about before that stupid Frood knocked me out with drugs? That's one of the many ways he helped the Earthling patients whom he became friends with and eventually brought back with him to Wonderland?

Excess Imagination are bad and unhealthy, someone having too much or too little Imagination in them is bad and unhealthy for them. There's nothing like a detox to get your body and soul back on track. And thanks to Elijah, I was feeling better. I felt all the stress leave my body, and I would have gone back to sleep, knowing Elijah wouldn't harm me or the others in any way. But that man with his tarot deck wouldn't let me and Elijah seemed to think that what this man had to tell me was important. And then they both helped me escape from the insane asylum after Elijah and the inmates took over it. They helped me escape so I could save Alyss and bring her back to Wonderland. On Earth, and even in our world, they say that Elijah Von Wonder did a lot of good for his Earthling patients, that he did a lot for the advancement of psychiatry, therapy, and humane treatment of patients in insane aylums. It's admirable, and he helped people live healthier and more fulfilling lives. After coming back to Wonderland, he also helped treating Wonderlanders with PTSD who had been dragged into a couple of wars and even seen some children being killed and lost loved ones because of Redd and her lackies.

Some of them tried to commit suicide because they didn't want to live after this, they had seen so many horrors, not only in the Realm, but while fleeing Redd's minions or going after Redd's armies. But Elijah stopped them from killing themselves, and helped them heal, treated them. He did it, he saved those people's lives and brought healing and peace to their lives. And they listened to him because they just couldn't help it. That's how Elijah is. He's so kind and compassionate that most people can't help but listen to him and trust him which allows him to help them without much resistance. This is the man who read extracts of my journal to the inmates to give them hope and help them get rid of their dark and negative thoughts. This is the man who after he and the inmates took over the insane asylum and Frood suffered from nervous breakdown helped Frood heal and reform himself. This is the man who after he returned to Wonderland with the inmates brought flowers and put them on the graves of young children killed during the war. And this is the man who did a lot of good for everyone without asking for anything in return, and that's why he should get something.

It's been a little while since I last talked to Elijah. I could have gone and talked to him, but every time I see him or I'm around him, I get butterflies in my stomach and I feel weird. On top of that I can't seem to stop thinking about him these days. I wonder. The last time I experienced those feelings and couldn't stop thinking about someone, I was in love with Weaver. And my daughter is giving me knowing looks. Even Alyss asked me why I was acting "strange". Why can't life just give me a break sometimes? Why can't people give me a break? Seriously? If I didn't know those two, I'd say they were conspiring to tease me. The war is finally over, well this one is. I just want to catch a damn break. Is that too much to ask? I'm hungry, exhausted, cold, exasperate, and apparently it seems that I'm bisexual and have feelings for another man.

What if he doesn't return my feelings? I'm starting to think that my love life is doomed. I lost the woman I loved, she was murdered right in front of me and in front of my poor fourteen years old daughter. Molly doesn't deserve that, no one does. And now, I have feelings for a man who might not return them. I'm learning to be more in touch with my emotions which is not easy because of the training I've been subjected to for years, but it's certainly more healthy to acknowledge those emotions and use them to my advantage instead of bottling them up. But I can't deny my feelings for Elijah any more than I could deny my feelings for Weaver back in the days. I need to get some sleep, eat something, check on my daughter. I'm done here at the Academy for the day. I should go home.

One last thing. This Earthling woman I met in the Millinery Academy today, inhabiting her alternate self, she had two sets of memories. Her own and that of her alternate self. She even mumbled something about how surprised she was that she instinctively knew things that she wasn't supposed to know, as if she had been living in Wonderland all her life, which technically she has been, her alternate self in this world was born and raised here in Wonderland. Those books I read also talked about this experience of having two sets of memories, especially when inhabiting an alternate self. Usually we don't allow Civilians and Earthlings in the Millinery Academy, but sometimes we let them give us a hand as volunteers to cook meals and help organize a ceremony, and we keep a close eye on them. I let the Earthling woman help with preparing the Millinery Academy Graduation Ceremony.

She prepared documentation as well as certificates and put them together with each of the graduate's hat. She seemed surprised that she instinctively knew how to use or operate the photocopier correctly and avoid mistakes that waste paper. I guess she rarely if ever use photocopiers in her world, but maybe her alternate self is used to them. She also seemed surprised that she instinctively knew what hat belonged to what student. She also knew how to use the stapler and avoid wasting staple pins. This whole parallel universe thing and the science behind it is fascinating. After that, I let her help with cooking in the kitchen. When I checked on her, she was boiling some vegetables, so we got soup and stew for dinner. After that, we took a stroll down the hall and I told her the story of the Millinery Academy and Milliners throughout the ages. She told me that she could feel how ancient the Millinery Academy was, the site it was built on, and that many generations of Milliners had studied within its walls. Then she gave me an apologetic little smile, her look became hollow and trance-like, she flinched a bit, looked around confused, looked at me and left the Academy. Somewhere on Earth, the woman "woke up" in her original body and in her world. I should leave now. I must go home. I must get some rest and check on my daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Earthling woman (OC) in the first chapter is me. This is who I met, where I was, what I did and some of the things I talked about during my first adventure in Wonderland in a "dream" in that parallel world/universe. And it seemed like a good idea to me to insert that into my written work.
> 
> \----------------
> 
> Additional material:
> 
> Must read articles and must watch videos on science, multiverse, "dreams", parallel universes, alternate selves, and quantum jumping:
> 
> https://plus.google.com/u/0/101700419832707251773/posts/TMN8gU8ubjh


	2. Entry 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few entries in Hatter Madigan's journal (his real name is Tom here). His hardships, his struggles, his relationships with his daughter and his friends, his love life, etc. Take place post Arch Enemy/post canon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Looking Glass Wars and the Hatter M. series, or any of the characters except for the OCs.
> 
> * * *
> 
> For those who haven't read them yet, I highly recommend Frank Beddor's books. You should read the Hatter M. series first (a series of 5 graphic novels, a spin-off of "The Looking Glass Wars" that talks about "Hatter"'s 13-year quest searching for Alyss on Earth and the events preceding the war against Redd): "The looking glass Wars"/"Far From Wonder", "Mad with wonder", "The nature of wonder", "Zen of wonder", and "Love of wonder". And then after that, you should read the "Looking Glass Wars" trilogy: "The Looking Glass Wars", "Seeing Redd", and "ArchEnemy".

Entry # 2,

I just got home. After hanging my coat and hat on the waiting hooks by the front door, I called my daughter. I got no response. I tried the kitchen, the living room, knocked on the bathroom door. Nothing. I found her in her room. She was sleeping. I put her Academy books in a neat pile on her bedside table, covered her with the blanket, and kissed her on the forehead. She was tossing and turning and mumbling in her sleep. She's been through so much and it's starting to take its toll on her. I wished I could could wake her up and get her to talk to me. But she would play stoic and pretend that she's just fine. Like father like daughter. We both need to improve our communication skills. Playing stoic and pretending that we're fine is not going to help.

We can't keep lying to each other like that. If we're not fine, we're not fine. If we need to talk about stuff, we just do it. If we need more time to adjust to mundane life after the war, then we make time for that. And if Molly want to visit her mother's grave, I'll go with her. I didn't need to wake her up. She woke up on her own. She looked exhausted, which made me even more glad that Alyss gave her a vacation. I told Molly that I just got home after helping supervise preparations for the Millinery Academy Graduation Ceremony and that I was checking on her to see if she was all right. To my surprise, she said that she wasn't. I asked her what was wrong. She said we needed to talk. No kidding. I was glad that we were finally going to have this conversation. So we sat in the living room and had that talk. We also noticed that the more we were willing to open up to each other about our hardships and struggles and share the skeletons in our closets, the more liberated we felt.

She said that she still missed her deceased mother, but that she wouldn't hold it against me if I started over with someone else, and that she gave me her blessing even though I didn't need it, and that I should do what I feel is best for me, for us. I was glad that she believed in me and put her trust in me. She asked me why I didn't tell Elijah that I really liked him. I told her that I wasn't yet ready to tell him. She told me that no one is ever ready for the embarassing moment of telling someone about your feelings for them. I added that I also wasn't ready to tell others either and that she was the only one who knew. She laughed and said that even though she was the only one who actually knew, others like Alyss, Dodge, and Bibwit suspected something like that and had nothing against my attraction and feelings for another man.

She also said that there were other Milliners who were attracted to the same-gender or both genders and some of them were in a long-term relationship or married to their same-gender partners and that it was no big deal. I reminded her that none of them were in love let alone in a serious relationship with what some people called an "Imagination Vampire". She said that most of them didn't have children with Civilians either. Touché, I guess. She cupped my face with her hands, looked me in the eyes and said that Elijah was a good person, that it was okay for me to be in love with him, that I should trust my heart, and that I should go and tell him about my feelings for him. I thanked her and I put her to bed, she really needed to get some sleep because she was exhausted. I told her to sleep for as long as she wanted, long enough for her body and mind to fully rest and recover. I'm going to do the same thing as soon as I'm done with this journal entry.

After the war ended, Alyss and Dodge got married. Most people didn't mind, but a few scoffed and said that Alyss should marry within royalty. Let them talk. I respect Alyss' decision and it's good that she care more about someone's heart than their blood. And Dodge is a good person, she could have been worse off. Alyss and Dodge also brought change to the Realm, change that she convinced me and most of the Realm was for the better. After she and Dodge got married and... oh she chose me to walk her down the aisle because she said that in the absence of her deceased biological father, Nolan, and her adoptive father, Mr. Liddell, I was the closest thing she had to a father. It was an honor for me to walk her down the aisle and it warmed my heart to see her and Dodge so happy together. And I think I even saw Bibwit crying tears of joy.

After she and Dodge got married, they brought what they are convinced is some much needed change to the Realm for the better. Some of that change in the Realm for the better happened when Alyss gave birth to a little prince. Alyss and Dodge decided that they wouldn't have more than one child and that this boy was going to be their heir to the throne. A bunch of misogynistic and misandrist comments followed. Some scoffed and said it was about time a man sat on that throne and ran the Realm because women couldn't do a good job at leading and governing. Others lost their shit and said that this was a "queendom" and that the royal male child being the "wrong" freaking gender should not be allowed to claim the throne. Alyss said that people who subscribe to either of those views were discriminating against other people based solely on their gender or genitals and that it had to stop.

When she say it like that... She didn't have to do much to convince me, Bibwit, and most of the Realm. A handful of bigoted people continued to scoff, but they were ignored and ridiculed. Let them talk. Alyss said that she wanted to lead the example, hoping that her descendants or successors would follow afterward. She said that both female and male heirs would be allowed to claim the throne, that the elder would have priority, and in the case of an only child, that daughter or son would rule the Realm and if unfit someone else would rule the Realm after the current rulers and the council made their choice. She also said that from now on, it wouldn't be a "queendom" or a "kingdom", it wouldn't be a matriarchy or a patriarchy, it would be an "equalitydom" with an equal partnership that would simply be called "the Realm". The little prince (his name is Aidan) is adorable and make Molly smile. I hope he make a good king and his future wife a good queen. That's what the Realm needs after suffering so much under the tyrannical rule of Redd for thirteen years, the Realm needs good and compassionate rulers.

Molly is right. I should talk to Elijah. I've faced enemies that would make some people tremble. Surely I can gather the courage to talk to the man I love and tell him about my feelings for him. Ever since Nekko taught me how to meditate, I do it, especially in the morning. It helps with discipline and relieving stress, and of course it has a lot of health benefits. A few days ago, I managed to convince Molly to join me in meditation every morning. I think it will do her a lot of good, and help with with healing our minds and souls. I just checked on her. She's finally asleep and she seems more relaxed than she was just half an hour ago. I'm so proud of her. She's only fourteen and yet she's proving to be a talented Milliner. I miss my older brother, Dalton. I wish he was still here, among us. I wish I could introduce him to his niece. I visit his grave every month and leave him presents. I thank him for everything he has done for me, everything he taught me and I will never stop being grateful for that. This loss still hurt, I don't think it'll ever stop hurting. It'll get better, but never easy. Redd ruined everything. So many people died and/or were lost because of her. That selfish and greedy psychopath killed her own parents, her sister, her brother-in-law, and countless others who refused to follow her and/or refused to turn their loved ones in.

I'm glad the Realm is recovering from the war, I'm glad that Molly is healing, I'm glad that Alyss is still alive, I'm glad for a lot of people I met on Earth during my thirteen-year quest because they made a difference in my life and made me a better person and a better Milliner, I'm glad I met Elijah and I'm glad for his assistance and everything he has done to help. I'm thankful for all of that. And I'm also glad that my daughter is no longer in danger. With a little luck, it will stay that way for a very long time. Jumping in the Pool of Tears with her, hiding her on Earth, worrying that she might be found and killed. It was awful. It's not that I don't like Earth. I lived there for thirteen years after all and I grew fond of that world, and it's where I met Elijah. I just wish I could go there again for two or three days when neither worlds are in danger. Maybe I will have that opportunity someday. Meanwhile I think I need to focus on the here and now. Because that's what really matters.

Serving White Imagination and the Realm is an honor, but sometimes being given a break or vacation away from our Millinery duties is really appreciated. It gives us the freedom to be an ordinary adult and an ordinary teenager for a few days, just like most Wonderlanders. The day after tomorrow, I'm going to take Molly to the museum and then we'll do some tourism/sight-seeing, and hopefully have a very refreshing, relaxing time. We'll take advantage of the Crystal Continuum as much as possible in order to do all that we want to do in the next few days. We're going to do a lot of non-Millinery stuff. Anyway, if there's an emergency I have no doubt that Alyss will find a way to contact me. After all, she's the one who gave us a vacation and Dodge will watch over her as he said he would. I will follow my daughter's advice and talk to Elijah. I will tell him how I feel about him. I have to do this. I need to know if he feels the same way about me than I do about him, if the feelings of love and attraction are mutual, if he only see me as a friend or wants something more. I think I saw tenderness in his eyes the last few times we spoke, this gives me hope. For now, I think I'm going to go get some sleep too, some much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter and the next, I tackled some of the bigotry that some characters faced (like the heir to a throne of one gender or the other being discriminated against based on their sex, or the bigotry against Halvers, or the race-based bigotry that Elijah probably experienced in Wonderland since he returned at the end of "Love of Wonder", etc). I'm not the first (and I'm not going to be the last) who incorporated the idea or concept of an "equalitydom" and egalitarian/equal partnership in governing matters in a Realm that's neither a queendom/matriarchy nor a kingdom/patriarchy in a LGW fanfic. For example, a fanfic writer whose username is lotus eaters incorporated that idea or concept in his/her LGW fanfic entitled "Wonderland's Groundbreaking Royalty" (this work can be found on FFN or in my LGW AO3 collection). 
> 
> Only one more chapter after this, folks...


	3. Entry 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few entries in Hatter Madigan's journal (his real name is Tom here). His hardships, his struggles, his relationships with his daughter and his friends, his love life, etc. Take place post Arch Enemy/post canon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Looking Glass Wars and the Hatter M. series, or any of the characters except for the Ocs.
> 
> * * *
> 
> For those who haven't read them yet, I highly recommend Frank Beddor's books. You should read the Hatter M. series first (a series of 5 graphic novels, a spin-off of "The Looking Glass Wars" that talks about "Hatter"'s 13-year quest searching for Alyss on Earth and the events preceding the war against Redd): "The looking glass Wars"/"Far From Wonder", "Mad with wonder", "The nature of wonder", "Zen of wonder", and "Love of wonder". And then after that, you should read the "Looking Glass Wars" trilogy: "The Looking Glass Wars", "Seeing Redd", and "ArchEnemy".

Entry # 3,

It's been five months since Molly and I went on that great vacation. Alyss recently gave us another vacation. We went to another museum, did some more tourism/sight-seeing, and even ate at a restaurant. That vacation was refreshing and invigoration. It was nice having father and daughter quality time. Molly wanted to visit her mother's grave so we went there and she brought flowers. My daughter is growing up so fast now, I had to take her to a few shops and buy her some new clothes. When I see her smile, it makes me happy. I think she's healing. I think I'm healing too. It gets easier, but never easy. She lost her mother. And I lost my brother. I think you never fully recover from a loss this great. Some people are in a support group, and you hear story after story of loss, but realize they are years into their grief. Decades. And we can't imagine suffering from this loss for another day, let alone year after year. It's too painful to face that reality.

I could think back to others I knew who had lost a child, a mother, a brother, a best friend, etc, and how that pain was always just below the surface. How the mention of their loved ones' names instantly misted their eyes, forced a crackle in their voice, or a shift in their emotions. It was clear very early in our grief that you never fully recover from a loss this great. You just learn to live with it. And I also know in watching the two of us learn to grieve, that none of us followed the same path or timeline. And just when you begin to feel grounded, something pulls you off your feet again. It’s a continual process, but I believe you do get stronger each day. My brother and her mother are gone. Yet, our love doesn’t die. Perhaps, losing them intensifies that love even more. I’m at a place where I can find joy without guilt. Where I am not afraid of the future. Or dwell on what I could have done differently in the past. But I will never stop missing my brother, and Molly will never stop missing her mother. I will never not wonder what Dalton might be doing at this stage, what his life might be if he was still alive. My heart continues to beat, but there will forever be a hole. And I won’t apologize for that. And I don't want Molly to apologize for that either.

I followed Molly's advice and I talked to Elijah. I like him very much. I'm in love with him. And he feels the same way about me. He told me that since he helped me escape from the insane asylum on Earth, he started to get those feelings for me and that those feelings grew stronger and deeper over the past months. I was overjoyed to hear that. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner. He said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable or pressured so he decided to let me come to him and not the other way around. I told him I was okay with him taking some initiative now. He smiled, took my hand and he intertwined our fingers. My heart was beating fast and was filled with joy. I returned his smile. Since then our relationship has developed much more, we've been together for five months now. The first few weeks, it was all about our first few dates on the weekends and the things we did together. And our first kiss, and the ones after that. I'll never forget that first kiss. His lips were soft and he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. Feeling his arms around me made me feel safe and happy.

Instinctively, my arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer as the kiss deepened. Yes. I wanted that so much. Pure fire burned in my veins as I felt his lips pressed against mine. Then he slipped his tongue into my mouth, which made me moan and I ran my hands up and down his arms slowly feeling his biceps, caressing his arms. His hand caressed my thigh as I gently thrusted against him. He moaned and my heart raced faster. He gently held my face in his hands, his eyes as clouded with desire as my own, and said that we had to stop. The times we would get carried away making out, remembering we had to stop before we went too far. We were not ready for the next step and maybe the sex would be better if we waited, maybe it would be more satisfying. So we just sat at the kitchen table in his home, drank a bit of wine, and talked about all the things we did since we last saw each other. He asked me how my daughter was doing and about me. He was genuinely interested in Molly's health and well being. I was glad I had a lover who care about my daughter, he'll make a good stepfather for Molly.

When I told Molly that he returned my feelings, she was happy for me and Elijah. I still had a hard time coping with the loss of my brother and I was still grieving, and Molly also had episodes of depression where she would stay in her room and just replay the last message her mother left for me. Some days, I was not doing well, I tried to hide it, but Elijah always knew. He said it was a good thing that I was still keeping a journal, and that if I needed to talk his door would always be opened to me and that he would listen without judgment and try to offer his advice. He introduced me to art therapy. He said that drawing, painting, and even acting (in plays) helped his patients and people in general, He said that art therapy is a creative method of expression used as a therapeutic technique. That art therapy may focus on the creative art-making process itself, as therapy, or on the analysis of expression gained through an exchange of patient and therapist interaction. That the psychoanalytic approach was one of the earliest forms of art psychotherapy. That this approach employs the transference process between the therapist and the client who make art. That the therapist interprets the client's symbolic self-expression as communicated in the art and elicits interpretation from the client. That analysis of transference was no longer always a component. That art therapy includes a vast number of other approaches such as person-centered, cognitive, behavior, narrative, family, etc. That the tenets of art therapy involve creativity, reconciling emotional conflicts, fostering self-awareness, and personal growth. He added that art therapy is a safe place to reflect and find a sense of who we are, that it gives us hope for the future, and that it's the beginning of something new. And that therapists can use the creative process of art therapy to help their clients increase insight, cope with stress, work through traumatic experiences, increase cognitive memory and neurosensory abilities, improve interpersonal relationships and achieve greater self-fulfillment.

He helped me get some art material, and since then, I've been painting at least once or twice a week, especially on the days I was not feeling well. At times, he would sit near me and interpret my symbolic self-expression as communicated in the art and elicit interpretation from me. He would do the same thing with Molly's drawings. I thought she would get mad at him for doing that, but apparently even Molly couldn't resist his kind and compassionate nature. Very few people can. And he has made a difference in the lives of so many people for the better. Most of them are thankful for that. And those who aren't? I feel sorry for them. Those people are not likely to change and that's sad. Molly and I are glad he's helping us heal from grief. When I was striken with the flu, Elijah invited Molly over to his home and took care of us. He brought me soup, juice, medecine, cough drops, and tissues. He fed me, made me lie down, changed the cloth on my forehead, and gently stroke my hair as I fell asleep. He also made sure that my daughter didn't lack anything while I was recovering from my sickness. He drained my excess Imagination and that detoxing helped me heal faster.

A few days later I was strong enough to take my meals in the kitchen and get some fresh air in the garden. His garden was beautiful. He had a small fountain with colored pebbles in it, and different herbs to make herbal tea mixes, and of course for other culinary purposes. Normal food doesn't sustain him as much as Imagination does, but he eats and drink normal food and beverages for the pleasure of it. And he has cooking talent. That man knows how to make a great stew and a great squig berry pudding. And sometimes, he drank a bit of wine. I settled in the garden for a while with my art material and painted the sunset and added a lake. I painted the sunset colors in tandem working first in the sky and then in the reflections and back again to the sky as I added new colors. I began with the yellows, then worked along through the oranges, reds, and purples. I was painting in the garden, hair blowing in the wind, I relaxed because it felt rather nice. I got better and stronger everyday. And after a few days, I was back to full health, thanks to Elijah's tender loving care. Molly and I helped him clean the house, then we thanked him and went back home.

Times change. People change. When we know better, we do better. Most Milliners now realize that forcing Milliners to marry within their own "race" is wrong, bigoted, and unfair. It's unheard of for a queen to marry a non-noble. Alyss didn't care. She followed her heart and married Dodge. What matters is the heart, not race or blood. The Milliners realize now, after Alyss and I had a conversation with them as their leaders, that forcing Milliners to marry within their own "race" is just as wrong, bigoted, and unfair as forcing a queen to marry a noble or removing a prince or a princess from the line of succession to the throne because he or she is the "wrong" freaking gender, or treating Halvers as lesser than. Or judging all Halvers by the actions of the few which is something I've been guilty of in the past, it's something I'm certainly not proud of. But as I've said earlier, when we know better we do better. I don't regret my relationship with Weaver, I don't regret having had a child, and I don't regret my wonderful relationship with Elijah. Most Milliners have seen the light now and agree that it's time for some much needed change. Some Milliners will never change, they scoff and they think themselves better than us. I had to severely penalize two of them who were inciting others to violence. As for the others, let them talk, so their contemptible poverty of thinking can be confounded, unmasked, and revealed to everyone. Molly and most other Halvers are just as talented and dedicated as those who claim to be "pure-blooded" Milliners, also the truth is everyone has at least one "mixed-race" ancestor in their bloodline so those bigots really need to cut the hypocrisy because the matter of the fact is that nobody is "pure-blooded" anything.

Some of those bigots and scoffers don't approve of my relationship with Elijah. They say that if I date an "Imagination Vampire", I might as well try to make out with a Jabberwock. I laugh at their stupidity and don't give those people any importance. Like I said, let them talk, so their contemptible poverty of thinking is exposed and revealed to everyone. Elijah is a better man than ten of those bigots combined. Elijah and I got married. I wish we could have had a small ceremony with just the people closest to us. Alas as the leader of the Millinery who had also been queen Alyss' bodyguard, there was not a fat chance of that happening. Also, I wanted to let the bigots know that the times and the world change and move forward with or without them and that there was nothing they could do about it. I was happy to marry Elijah and call him my husband and my daughter's stepfather. When we said our I do's and kissed, my heart filled with joy, it was one of the best days of my life. During the ceremony, the spirit of Weaver appeared to me and blessing my marriage to Elijah she said, "Be happy. You and Molly deserve it." And then, she departed for the afterlife. I felt a tear run down my cheeck, but I was smiling and I was thankful for her understanding and her blessing. But I can't say it surprises me coming from a kind and selfless person like Weaver. And if her wish was that Molly and I be happy, she got her wish. We are happy. No one knows what the future holds, but as long as Elijah, Molly, and I are together, we'll make it through anything. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and as long as there's love there's hope.

Elijah had practically moved into our home which was closer to the Millinery, though he kept his own house and we spent our weekends there. After the wedding, we were relaxing at home in the living room. Molly was sitting in front of the entertainment crystal turned to a Wonderland news programs, the voice of its reporters constant background chatter. She turned it off. She looked at Elijah and I and said she was going to sleep at a friend's house, a Milliner her age named Ava. I'm glad she has friends now. She said Elijah and I would have the house all to ourselves so we could scream in pleasure to our hearts' content. Before we could say anything, she flashed us an amused smile before she winked at us and left. It seems that my fourteen, nearly fifteen years old daughter is not as innocent as I though she was. Soon I'm gonna have to give her the talk about using protection, in case she start dating a boy. I just want her to be safe, and happy. I guess that's what most fathers want for their children. Elijah and I had the house all to ourselves on our wedding night and we were going to be intimate for the first time. Tears came to our eyes as we kissed, slowly undressed each other and laid facing each other on the bed. He was tender and gentle. We made love all night and whispered sweet nothings to each other as the night turned into day. With our bodies still warm from lovemaking, we laid facing each other with our legs entwined. He rested his hand on my hip. He said, "I love you, Tom" and I said, "I love you too, Elijah". Our hearts filled with love and joy, we fell asleep into each other's embrace.

-End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished writing the last three paragraphs while listening to "Havana" by Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug (a cool and popular song). Oh the things we do at 4am.
> 
> For this chapter, I had to do online research to expand my knowledge on art therapy. But seriously, folks, art (drawing, painting, model kits, etc) is always therapeutic. Drawing makes me feel better when I'm depressed.
> 
> I can't be the only one who cried when Dalton died in "Love of Wonder". I was bawling my eyes out when he died and "Hatter" said to his older brother that he loved him and then brought his body back to Wonderland!!!! It was sooo sad! I was crying on "Hatter"'s behalf. He suffered so many losses, probably his parents (we never heard of them, they probably died a long time ago), his brother, his ex, and Alyss that he thought permanently lost for a time as he searched for her for thirteen years. Fortunately he's healing well and he's not alone.
> 
> I might eventually write one or two companion pieces for this fanfiction ("Tom Madigan's journal"), probably a drabble and/or a one-shot. If you're interested, subscribe to me on AO3 (anyway, the most reliable way of getting new story notifications and update notification is to subscribe to me on AO3 since all of my written works/fanfictions will be posted there). I'll also probably write a Malec one-shot (the Shadowhunter Chronicles). After that, we'll see where things go. Some folks are addicted to video games (I like video games too), I am addicted to AO3, whether it's reading fanfics or writing them, I love using/hitting AO3.

**Author's Note:**

> https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject


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